


i’m missing the sound of your heart beating (can't stop this bleeding, can't stop you leaving)

by bloodaccusedstones



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 17:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4530375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodaccusedstones/pseuds/bloodaccusedstones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“-door?” You turn your head towards the door and your throat suddenly becomes dry and it’s very hard for you to breathe.</p><p>It’s Mattie and leaning against her, all broken and bloody, just like before, is Carmilla.</p><p>///</p><p>You’re sure Mattie’s yelling at you (probably for you to get off your ass and help) but all you can see is Carm and blood and Danny carrying her in her arms and Carmilla’s empty, still body just laying on your bed and you can’t move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i’m missing the sound of your heart beating (can't stop this bleeding, can't stop you leaving)

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! im back after a really long break. im really sorry about that but hopefully that wont happen again. im sorry if this fic might suck but im a bit rusty. this is what i wanted to see in 2x20 so technically its all angst. hope you guys like it. 
> 
> tw:blood

 

 

///

You sigh and finish watching the playback of Perry, J.P and LaF’s bonding moment. You can’t help but scoff; you wish you and Carmilla could fix everything just as quickly as those three did.“God, I wish it were that simple,” you say, speaking your thoughts out loud. “I thought it was supposed to go ‘you love who you love and all your other differences just fade away’...” You sigh and shake your head. “And you don’t end up some nineteen year old girl with a broken-”

A bang makes you turn your right ear towards the sound. For a second, you’re back in your old dorm from last semester with the swinging door and herds of people surrounding you, plotting rebellion with friends and allies. But you’re not in your dorm; you’re in the dean’s apartment, so banging doors aren’t a common sound.

“-door?” You turn your head towards the door and your throat suddenly becomes dry and it’s very hard for you to breathe.

It’s Mattie and leaning against her, all broken and bloody, just like before, is Carmilla.

///

You’re sure Mattie’s yelling at you (probably for you to get off your ass and help) but all you can see is Carm and blood and Danny carrying her in her arms and Carmilla’s empty, still body just laying on your bed and you can’t move. _Not again, please not again._

“Oh my god, Carm!” You jump out of your seat and help Mattie place Carm in the seat you were sitting in. “What happened?”

“We were stalking some of Vordenburg’s souped up henchbros across the North Quad. It was a trap. They lead us into a shooting gallery. Arrows everywhere.” Mattie places an arrow shaft on the desk (from the arrow that hit Carm square in the chest, right next to her heart) and puts her hand over Carmilla’s arrow wound.

“Congratulations, you finally got the Summers and Zetas to cooperate.” You try to sound angry (not angry really, you just don’t want Mattie to know that you’re terrified) and you think you did but you can’t stop staring at the arrow wound and the blood slowly seeping from it and staining Carmilla’s shirt. You glance up to her face and her muscles are slack and it’s obvious she’s had a few punches to the face (broken nose, split lip, cuts on her cheeks).

“She managed to drag me into the bushes, but they put an arrow in her chest and when she fell the jumped on her and beat her. It was like they were trying to rip her apart with their bare hands. I got them off her and escaped but not before she took a lot of damage. I think some of the arrow is still lodged in here. She needs blood,” Mattie rushes through the story.

“There’s some in the fridge. I-” Mattie leave you with a slightly unconscious Carmilla while she gets a blood packet. “I didn’t have time to clean it up yet.” You trail off, flicking your eyes between Carm’s bloody face and the oozing wound. It’s inches from her heart and you’re so worried, you never wanted Carmilla to get hurt in any way. Especially not like this, not again. You almost lost her the last time she was carried into your room. “Hey,” you say to Carm and try to hold her up and you don’t think she heard you.

Mattie comes back into the room and holds a packet of blood up to Carmilla’s lips. Carmilla takes a few gulps before Mattie takes the packet away from her. Carm coughs and a bit of blood escapes her mouth and trails down her chin. You grip her arm and her eyes open slightly and rest on Mattie.

“Mattie?” She croaks.

“Hey sweetie,” Mattie whispers. Carm’s eyes close and she starts going limp again. Mattie shakes her. “Hey hey, kitty-cat,” she whispers and Carm cracks her eyelids open. “There you go. Just keep looking at me, alright? Focus on me.”

Carmilla squeezes her eyes closed and moans. You know she’s starting to feel the pain of being shot in the chest with an arrow.

“Laura?” Carm grits out.

“Carmilla,” you whisper and she slowly rolls her head towards you. She repeats your name right before she groans and you squeeze her arm gently.

“She needs help,” Mattie says. “One of your weird mad scientists could get the arrow out of her.” You don’t say anything and Mattie furrows her brow. “Well? What are you waiting for? Go get them!”

“No.”

“What?”

“...No. You guys are on a rampage and I’m not going to risk my friend’s lives until you and I have an understanding.

“Understanding? Try this on for size. Your value to me ends the second you can’t or won’t help her.”

“Yeah, yayaya. And as soon as that happens you’re gonna kill me in a way that would probably qualify as post-modern art. We’ve had this conversation. Only killing me isn’t going to help Carm. And as much as you flounce around like the spokesmodel for casual violence you care about her.”

Carmilla moans and leans forward. Mattie rushes towards her and helps her sit up straight. Carm’s face is twisted in pain and her chest is heaving. It’s so painfully obvious that Carmilla is in intense pain and probably dying in front of you. It hits you hard; not only do you care about her (love, maybe?) but you’ve never seen her in pain before, especially not pain so excruciating she can’t move without yelling or moaning. You force yourself to look away from her and towards Mattie.

“So here’s how it’s gonna be: I’ll call LaF and J.P and they’ll help her and I’ll hide the two of you here until she recovers, and then in return neither of you is going to bite, maim, or kill anyone at all for any reason because if you do I will have the Baron’s army of stake-happy superminions down here so fast you’ll get whiplash. Understood?”

Carm groans and crumples into herself. It takes everything in you to not run over and help Mattie try to hold Carm up but you have to make sure no one will get hurt by either Mattie or Carm again.

“Understood,” Mattie growls at you after Carm’s whines have become quieter. “Get your friend.”

You sprint past the door and up the stairs.

You’re terrified at the thought of losing Carmilla.

///

You’re sitting down in front of the camera with Carmilla in your arms. It scares you because she’s so hurt and slightly shaking and you can feel her dying through your hands. How cliche it would be for her to die in your arms.

She groans and you drag your hands up to her shoulders and start rocking her back and forth. That’s one way you know how to comfort her. You glance up at her face and see blood and tight muscles and a moan escape her teeth and you swallow hard. LaF and J.P talk about materials to get to get the arrow head out of Carm but it all sounds like white noise to you. You can only focus on Carm’s chest and the blood trailing down her arm and dripping off her fingertips, creating a small pool of blood on the carpet.

“And she’s getting blood everywhere!”

“They are on their best behavior or I’ll call Vordenberg myself,” you hear yourself say.

“That might be difficult if they’ve ripped out all our throats,” Perry grumbles.

“Vordenberg will kill them,” you sigh and try to control your breathing. J.P runs back into the room carrying a blanket and a first aid kit. You  place your hands on Carm’s back and push her off your chest and LaF grabs her shoulders to let J.P slip the blanket over Carm’s shoulders. They slip their arm around Carm’s back and move towards the couch while you stay seated.  Mattie and Perry are arguing ( _Really? Now? Carmilla is **dying**_.) but you only focus on the sound of Carm’s yelp and the fact that she’s hurt and you can’t help her. You blink hard and look up at Perry and Mattie.

“I never sleep anymore without seeing them. Without seeing their dead eyes looking at me and you did that you did that and the least you could do is admit it!”

“If I’d done it, I would.” You can’t help but notice that Mattie looks so tired and you know that if you were accused of killing someone you didn’t you’d be pretty tired, too. Plus, Mattie is centuries old, older than Carmilla and Carmilla holds dead souls in her eyes and her hands shake when she thinks you aren’t looking. You wonder how Mattie is when no one is looking.

“You’re still a killer,” Perry spits out. “You’ve always been a killer.”

“Uh guys?” LaF all but yells. “The patient being nigh-invulnerable makes thoracic surgery easier but maybe hold off on anything that shakes the floor? K?”

You lick your lips and shift your eyes back to Perry. You place your hand on Perry’s wrist. “Perry…”

“I know your heart’s in the right place Laura, but you’re really not thinking this through.” Perry snatches her arm away from your grasp and walks out of the door. You watch her leave. You hear LaF and J.P mumbling and you drop your head. if only everything way easier.

It’s Carmilla’s scream that makes you jump out of your skin.

///

Mattie has her hands on Carmilla’s arms, trying to hold her still because she’s thrashing around too much and LaF can’t get a grip on the arrow head in her chest. You’re squatted down next to Carm’s head, pushing her hair out of her face and whispering for her to be still so this pain could end quicker. Carmilla’s screams and groans are right in your ear and it’s burning your ears. Her cries hurt you more than Mattie's vampire shriek ever did.

“I got it! Hold her still Mattie!” LaF says and Mattie restrains Carm’s arms. You push down on Carm’s shoulder and tell her that it’s almost out, and LaF slowly pulls the arrow head out of Carmilla.

Carmilla quietly moans and stops moving. Mattie runs her hands up and down Carmilla’s arms while you pet Carmilla’s head. LaF quickly cleans up Carmilla's face. “Alright. That wasn’t so bad. Mission accomplished,” LaF says. They stand up and wrap the arrow head in a piece of bloodied gauze. “I’m always amazed by how much stuff is in there. And there’s always those extra bits I’m not quite sure what to do with,” they walk out the door, followed by J.P, leaving you, Mattie and Carmilla behind.

Carmilla’s silent. The silence rings louder than all her screams ever did. You run your hand up and down her arm. She opens her eyes and Mattie sighs. You take your hands off of Carmilla.  

“How are you feeling, darling?” Mattie whispers. Carmilla just groans and Mattie nods. “Yes, I thought that was what you were going to say. We’re going to be staying here until you recover”

“How’d you get little Miss Tightly Wound to agree to that?” Carmilla asks, her voice weak and ragged.

“She promised you were done with your little spree,” you say while your eyes drop to the floor and stare at the carpet. Carmilla slowly moves her head to look at you and stays silent for a while. When you look at her she looks back at Mattie.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“It was either that or take our chances with the Baron’s juiced-up army out there.”

Carmilla sighs and then coughs quietly. Mattie moves Carm’s shirt to look at the wound and you get up and go back to the chair. You plop yourself down in it and hold your head in your hands.

Carmilla can't stand you anymore. You guess you deserve it because you were awful to her but you miss her. You love (love?) her, you miss her. The two of you are so cold to each other and you miss the warmth that was once there. And now with the Baron and his crazy plans, with Perry and Mattie being on edge, Carmilla hurt, everything is just falling apart.

Things couldn’t possibly get any worse than this.

///

You were wrong about that.

 


End file.
